As someone who had spent no time on the royal family and who didn’t know Price Phillip from Prince Andrew, this was an eye-opener and overall fascinating read for me. I now understand why people love following the royal family: theirs is an incredible story that touches upon themes that all great stories have: love, duty, and sacrifice among others.
Royal life is full of contradictions and tensions:
Duty v. Self Expression: The traditional role of a “working royal” is fairly circumscribed: you spend a lot of time going to certain events and meet-and-greets, even if they are not super glamorous. As the Queen told a junior royal, “you are never tired and you love hospitals.” In addition, the role isn’t about you - it’s about the Queen (or King, in the future), so you can’t be too outspoken or cultivate too much of a “brand.” If you want to express your true self, follow your deepest passions, and spend your time however you want, you will find it a very hard job. This is in part why Price Harry and Meghan Markle struggled to fit in the royal family: they had dreams of starting a “platform” and Meghan was already a celebrity - and in the royal family, the platform is for the Queen only and there are no celebrities allowed.
Marrying “right” v marrying for love: I was shocked at how large a role adultery played in the role circles - at points, it seems like everyone is cheating on their spouse (with the other spouse often well aware of it and doing their own cheating). Part of this might be explained by the fact that there seems to be pressure to marry the “right” kind of person, often who comes from a similar background (some royal Europe family or member of the English court). The classic example is Prince Charles (the queen’s son), who married Princess Diana when he was 32 and she was 19.
Privacy v. self disclosure / dealing with the media: The royals have a complicated relationship with the vicious British tabloids. On one hand, the media will stalk and harass members of the royal families and those around them, hacking phones and going through their trash. On the other hand, you kind of need the media and to work with them. First, as the queen puts it, “I must be seen to be believed,” so some amount of publicity is good. In addition, the media can also help promote a positive image - think baby pictures after the birth of a new child, which can make a couple look wholesome. There’s also another dynamic where you can use the media to tell your side of the story, but you can’t be seen as trying too hard. Princess Diana was famous for this - going to an interview or a lunch and telling the paparazzi when to expect her. That being said, while I understand the role of the press (and tabloids) and enforcing good behavior, there is a level of cruelty in how they cover the British family that’s a bit surprising to a non-British person
Another surprise was how hard of a job it is, largely for the reasons above. Everything you do is scrutinized or judge by the press. You’re on the road a lot, going to events you don’t want to be at. You still need to smile and suck it up. It’s surprisingly lonely - your staff might write a tell-all one day, and you might be one of the many royals who communicates with your relatives through your private secretaries and letters as opposed to face-to-face.
And if you are not in line to be king / queen (or married to one), life gets even tougher given the winner-take-all dynamics. Princess Diana, for example, had two boys, William and Henry (“the heir and the spare”). The heir gets massively more money and inheritance than the “spare” and their other siblings, and more importantly, gets to be King / Queen! Imagine growing up and knowing your older brother will be wildly rich AND you’ll have to bow down to him one day. Many royal family members are reliant on largess and gifts from the Queen to make ends meet, which is a tough place to be in. (and if you are a “working royal,” you can’t necessarily make money in other ways.)
So overall, would definitely recommend it. The writing itself is also engaging - one of the blurbs calls it “vinegary” and I can’t describe it any better than that.
Some other thoughts:
Why do some people love the royal family? Part of it might be the fact that they are so different from us - as I mentioned in my review of Wanting, it’s easier to look up to people who are completely different from us, as we don’t see them as rivals or identify with them at all.
A lot of tension between the royal family and Meghan Markle was likely caused by differences in communication style, with the royal family being much less emotionally expressive (but nonetheless displaying emotions in their own way). “The United States and Great Britain are two countries separated by a common language,” as George Bernard Shaw put it. One example is the Queen is dining next to someone who starts crying. Her response is to suggest they feed her corgis under the table. While this might have come off as callous or insensitive, it was in fact a gracious way (in British etiquette) to let him gain his composure. Thought this was a helpful reminder that people express affection and emotion in very different ways
I was impressed with the Queen’s message discipline: she has never given an interview to the press. I also just read the book This Will Not Pass (about far less glamorous US politics), which has the below anecdote:
In a private meeting with the British Monarch, Trump said, he had quizzed her on about all the American Presidents she had known and what she thought of them. Her review of every one, Trump said, was the same: “I liked him very much.”
In a moment of self awareness, Trump hypothesized that perhaps Queen Elizabeth ad not wanted to say anything that Trump could then blurt out in public.
“It was so genius,” he raved.
I enjoyed your book review, I think I’ll add it to my wishlist. I think a lot of average families have very similar dynamics. I can see how a family with a business in a small town could behave this way. It gives me “encanto”/enmeshed family vibes.