The Four Tendencies
"Operating Systems" and becoming "spikier" over time
I read this book 12 months ago, but have wanted to write about it for a while as I’ve thought about it a lot. The book talks about 4 different personality types in a way that is much more helpful than some other books I’ve read.
What are the Four Tendencies?
Upholders respond readily to outer and inner expectations - Think of an “overachiever” CEO who’s training for a marathon or the straight-A student with a detailed planner for every class
Questioners question all expectations; they’ll meet an expectation if they think it makes sense; essentially, they make all expectations into inner expectations - Think of a successful investor who invests in contrarian ideas or a researcher obsessed with data and evidence
Obligers meet outer expectations, but struggle to meet expectations they impose on themselves - Think of a an overworked parent or the “team player” at work who puts others ahead of themselves
Rebels resist all expectations, outer and inner alike - Think of the creative artist who has their “process” or a nonconformist entrepreneur
The book has lots of good details on these, including the pros and cons of each, as well as how to work and live most effectively with people who might have different tendencies from yours. It’s a fast and fun read and I recommend it.
Compared to other books on different types of personalities, I appreciated that this framework is based on people’s actions. You can easily tell if somebody is upholding commitments or not. It’s harder to gauge how introverted or extroverted they truly are, sometimes. And with only 4 categories, it’s fairly easy to understand (as compared to Meyers-Briggs, with its 16 types).
There are 2 broader points I want to talk about: 1) Operating systems and 2) Reinforcing Feedback Loops
Operating systems
Everyone has their own “operating system”—a way of seeing the world and making decisions. You can’t change yours, but you can understand it and learn to work with others who think differently. Some examples of operating systems:
Introvert v Extrovert
The Big Five (Openness, Conscientiousness, Extraversion, Agreeableness, Neuroticism)
Feelings v. Ideas: Some people connect through emotions; others thrive on intellectual conversations. Many workplaces are heavily weighted towards one, o it’s easy to think everyone in the world is just like you (e.g., social workers are more likely to be feelings people; hedge fund managers are more likely to be ideas people)
Learning about specific operating systems is important, but the most important thing is remembering that they exist and that people’s experience of the same “reality” can be wildly different.
As an upholder, I am very focused on getting stuff done and “productivity.” The book was a reminder that this doesn’t make me “better,” but is just a tendency I was born with. It also had some helpful suggestions for working with folks from other operating systems. For example, many Upholders don’t like reminding or following up with others to make sure things are done, as they assume everyone is like them. But in reality, some people are Obligers and do better with external accountability. And others are Questioners and need to be persuaded before doing something.
Reinforcing feedback loops and becoming spikier
People’s tendencies can become more extreme through reinforcing feedback loops. Their behavior causes the world to react in a certain way, which encourages them to continue that behavior or ramp it up.
Upholders are generally rewarded for being responsible, proactive, and getting things done, which can make them lean in even more to the upholder-ness of their personality. This can go too far, in what Rubin calls “tightening” - where you become overly strict or rigorous over time.
Let’s say your job involves making Powerpoint presentations. As an Upholder, you always send materials 24 hours in advance (with detailed back-up and appendices). If you get positive feedback, you might be tempted to start sending things 48 hours in advance, or 72 hours in advance, or to make even longer appendices.
It can also make it hard to chill out when not being chill has led to much of your success in life.
This is true for the other tendencies too. A Questioner might succeed in business by going against conventional wisdom, but might become overly cynical or difficult to interact with in other situations
Similarly, Rebels might not have good experiences working in systems with lots of rules, which leads them to act out further and have more bad experiences.
These feedback loops aren’t necessarily bad, but they do exist. And it can be easy to become a more extreme or spikier version of yourself without realizing.